I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
