The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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