Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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