I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
