dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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