woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
