just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
