You made me cry and you don't even care
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
