My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
