i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
