you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
