Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
