I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
