So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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