I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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