Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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