I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
