Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
