you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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