My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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