I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
