she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
