They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
