It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
