I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
