All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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