kristin has been a bad kristin
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
