You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
