he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
