I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
