Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
