Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Holy sore nipples Batman
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
