Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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