What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
