Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
