I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
