You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize