stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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