It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize