There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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