So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
