I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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