We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
