soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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