I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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