Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
