I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you.
Bad choice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
