So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
