The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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