Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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