i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
