i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
