she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
