I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
