she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
