I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
