4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
