Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
