another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
