She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
