if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize