seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
