i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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