He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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