But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yo dont text me then not text me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
