why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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