She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
