considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
